It's just a need.
I am a strong person with deep convictions and opinions, even when I am wrong. And I am often wrong. I don't take well to being told no, or being quieted in any way. It goes against everything I am...on a cellular level. Always been that way. It's not fair to others sometimes and I know that.
I try to quell my curiosities and need to explore and change. I attempt to divert my attention with activities and tasks. But when something is on my mind I find that it is simply best for everyone to allow me to voice that which will undeniably consume me if I don't. Sort of like children who just need to be heard...I contend that it simply never goes away. I stand on a stage and play a character with a voice. I sing the song of a writer who had something to say. I read a book with page after page of an author's barrage of thoughts that found their way to the binding of a book that made it to my desk. Facebook. Bloggers. Twitter and her finite characters. We all have something to say and a need to be heard in one way or another. I don't have a play to write, or a song or a book...well, maybe a book but that will come later. I am not fighting for a cause or an agenda. I am just fighting to be heard. And maybe even understood. Not by many, mind you. Or maybe I am and I just don't realize it yet.
What would you say if you had a captive audience? What is your voice trying to say? Of course we can keep our pillows on retainer...screaming when no one else is listening is often therapeutic.
Truth is...I don't know what it is that I am trying so hard to say. I don't remember. That's how long I have been fumbling to steady my voice. But I know it's there. Simmering.
