A very strange and sad thing happened in our family yesterday. Now, I know that in the scheme of things, it isn't earth shattering, but for me it was fairly heartbreaking. In order to understand this, I have to explain a little tradition we now have in our family.
Last year there were stories floating around about magic elves visiting the kids at our school. The kids loved them and their teachers were guilty of perpetuating a most fun little charade in the hours that our kids were away from us. These elves would create mischief and hide from their owners. I had the chance to meet these little critters when a little friend of Kyra's brought his to school. I thought they were adorable. I saw the fun in the eyes of the kids and all of these adults joining in to help fuel this myth. I then started seeing them everywhere. Finally, I did a little search of my own...google! After a short search, I found them. You can order the little guys and they come straight to you with little magic snow flakes, a cute little pouch for sleeping and this little creature...along with parental instructions on how to make this little thing come to life. It was such fun! Each of our bigger kids got one. They didn't arrive until right before Christmas but, boy did they make messes. It was always a surprise to wake up and see where they were and what they had done in the night. For a little while, there was that same nostalgic magic that surrounds Santa Claus and Rudolph.
Of course, they had to come back this year. In fact, they had to come back early! The kids wrote letters to them every night begging them to come and see them. They would put out crackers and water to invite them...for that is how they get their energy to stay up late making toys of course. Each of these children would sit with great thought trying to figure out what to say to insure that their little friends would come. Kimball, who is now 11 and perched on the edge of disbelief, wrote things that were so very sweet. He says, "Please come visit me. I believe in you. I really, really do. I love you." Now, know that I know how fragile that is. I know that allowing a child to believe so completely can set them up for disappointment. It also ignites creativity and wonder. It was one of my greatest joys seeing each of them so committed to the fun and mystery. How did they do all of those crazy things?
Now for the heartbreak! Yesterday was already a particularly rough day. It was like the storm before the storm. You could feel the clouds swirling and the wolves circling as we handled one mini-crisis after another. As I walked by the office I noticed Kimball was on my computer and on the screen was the website for Elf-magic. I said "Kimball?" He turned and looked at me with tears in his eyes and fell apart. I sat down with him, clicked out of the website and wrapped my arms around this little boys who had just grown up a bit in that instant. A girl, a stupid girl from school told him the truth. I knew that there was this chance because he is in the 5th grade...but I was not ready yet. He was so sad. He could not speak. When he did he said things like, "It's like someone died", or "I wish I had never looked at that site", or "I am just so disappointed". Imagine that moment when Santa Claus is no longer real, when the tooth fairy is just a sweet parent, when the Easter Bunny is just a cartoon. That happened to my baby boy last night. It was heartbreaking. I am sure that this all sounds very shallow and I am sure that there are much bigger issues in the world, but my children's imagination and creativity are absolutely vital. I know how hard it is to get through this life, we must be able to imagine with the Disney's and Spielberg's of the world.
The night went on this way for more than an hour, talking and crying and trying to make it better. I wanted to pull of a Christmas miracle so that he could still believe, even if it is for one more day. What came out of it was something interesting though. I invited him to be a part of the magic...on my side of it. He insisted that we had to make sure that the "little kids" could still believe. The fact that they are referred to little means, by default, that Kimball has crossed over into the land of "big kids", a terrain I am not at all prepared for. He helped set up some pretty good tricks with the elves and promised that he would think of all new ways to help the kids believe.
That was the magic that came out of it for me. He said to me later in the evening that he was glad that he could work with me on this, but that he wished so much that he could still believe. We again talked at length about the magic of believing and being a part of that magic. I explained why it was important to continue such traditions. I think he understood, but I can say with certainty that we both wished that we could have gone back one more day to relish the magic of believing for just a few more minutes.
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