Days are slipping

It is so late.  I am not the least bit tired.  I should be but my brain is on overdrive at the moment.  Scheduling.  Kids.  School.  Larry.  Travel.  KIDS!  Holidays.  Wedding.  Church.  Responsibility.  All of this...every last bit of it means more to me than I can say.  I am eternally grateful for the challenges and opportunities that line this path I am on.  My brain is feeling a little like a hamster in a cage though. I turned 39 this week.  Enough said.  Ha!  I am happy to be ending my 30's.  A lot happened in this past decade and much of it was wonderful.  I will always be grateful for this time in my life as it has once again completely redefined itself.  Kids go back to school in a week which signals new changes for us, as individuals and as a family.  I know well that I must do all that I can to keep up with that and to take care of myself along the way.  Sleep is fighting me but it is absolutely time for me to try to fight back and sitting at this computer, staring at calendars and to do lists will simply not do.

A journaling challenge

Once again I have been challenged.  It's no secret that I am attempting change, or should I say IMPROVEMENT, in many areas of my life.  I had my hair cut today and my stylist asked if I was having some kind of mid-life crisis.  She may be all of 23 so 39 must look like mid-life to her.  I don't think it is so much a crisis of any kind, rather an awakening to myself.  That sounds ridiculous so let me  see if I can explain.  We spend much of our time on things that matter and a great deal of time on things that simply don't.  We also work vigilantly to avoid spending time on ourselves, for fear that it might be selfish?  Perhaps but I have never been scared of being selfish...I am sure that there are many who could attest to that.  My birthday is coming up quickly and I will be 39.  Thirty-nine just sounds like a grown up.  Let's be clear, I don't feel very grown up most of the time and I'd still rather have my parents fix my problems, but grown up just the same.  An adult.  I am many things but I am only just now approaching what can be described as true adulthood.  With that comes a certain clarity...I have realized that talk will get you nowhere...yes, I have known that a long time but in this case self talk is more accurate.  I can set goals and say "I want to" all I want but unless and until I stop talking about it and simply do any of the things I say I want to do...well we know how far good intentions get you.  With all of that said, I have set a challenge for myself to journal a little every day.  We were well taught in a recent church activity that journaling has the ability to build our faith and help us recognize the Lord's hand in our lives.  I think that I see those things but I wonder how much of it I actually remember.  I have been enormously blessed and wish for my children to know and remember how grateful I was in my life.  Without gratitude it means very little.

Summer is coming to an end and I feel a measure of regret.  We did not set out on any adventures or set  day plans according to a theme of some kind.  I did not spend much time at the pool or at an amusement park.  There have been a few adventures but nothing that anyone will be writing about applauding their summer vacations.  I have; however, spent this summer watching 4 little kids grow up right in front of me.  I am certainly not the captain of a ship of babies and toddlers anymore.  I am excited about what is sure to come, though I have great fear about the downsides of growing up and the life lessons each of them will surely face.  Kimball is heading into his SOPHOMORE year in high school.  I remember that year so well.  I remember plays I did and singing in the school choir.  I remember friends and even some who did not like me one darn bit.  I remember nursing a wounded heart from time to time as well.  What will he face?  How will we guide him?  There is no road map for teenagers at this point in our history.  There is no sure way to success anymore.  We are all slightly guessing, albeit educated guesses for some.  Another first is having a daughter in middle school.  Those were not good years.  I didn't know where I fit yet, I probably never did figure that out.  I wanted so badly to be liked and I see that same thing in Kyra.  Kaden and Kierstin are not in new waters for me but it is certainly new for them.  I don't love the crazy that comes with a school schedule but I am giddy about being part of this next phase of growth for them.  More to come...