Parenting and Social Media and my big mouth

There is a sound my dad makes that is loaded with all sorts of meaning...the power of which is that there is no real way of knowing quite what it means.  It is a sound he has made as long as I remember.  It's hilarious to me that we all know the sound and now I use it with my kids too.  It's a "hmm mph" sort of sound.  If he says it with raised eyebrows it generally means he thinks you might be a little crazy.  If he says it and doesn't look at you...odds are you better apologize pretty quick.  Most of the time it's said with a little chuckle and we all laugh.  I got that sound last night after seeing my oldest son's car.  And, for the record, it was deserved.  I had made it crystal clear that we would not buy him a car...no way, no how.  Then I went even farther and said we would absolutely not buy him a used bmw.  Even worse than that? I posted it to Facebook.  Decision making is hard sometimes but it is self-inflicted silliness when one posts parenting/ religious/ marriage/ money advice to any form of social media and then said person does exactly what she said she would never do.  Here's the kicker...I was wrong.

I said it.

I was wrong about the car.  I do think that accountability must be maintained.  I do think that they have to work for what they have...generally speaking.  I also think that within a short period of time these young people will be adults navigating life decisions that will sometimes be devastating...and right now, right this second in their lives...they are home and protected.  Don't get me wrong.  That protection does not always come in the form of a car for your 17th birthday.  It comes in much smaller ways for me.  Waking them up in the morning.  Making them breakfast.  Sending them off to school with a lunch in hand and making sure they have everything they need.  Some call that coddling.  Hand holding.  And maybe it is.  Guess what...I love every second of it.  The day will soon come that that waking them up for school will be a distant memory and I  will miss it.

So, how did this car come to be a fixture on our driveway?  We gave him money for his birthday.  We told him he could use it for a car, if that's what he wanted to do.  We didn't give him enough money to buy a car with less than 100,000 miles on it, no matter what the brand.  It was just enough to allow him to look for a car knowing that if he found the right deal he would have the cash to jump on it.  How was I to know that that deal would show up within 24 hours of giving him the money?  He found it.  A BMW, no less.  It's cute.  It's fun to drive.  I hate admitting this but I actually like the car. I like the car for a multitude of reasons, not the least of which because of the lesson it is teaching me.

We are seeing a side of him that we have not seen in a while.  He is taking care of it.  He is researching how to keep this car in shape.  He is getting a job.  Today, actually.  He is beaming about this car.  It is something that means a lot to him.  More than we thought.  I was wrong to think that my moral high ground was sufficient enough to teach him responsibility.  While that ground is often all I need in parenting, it can be limiting too.  I am not suggesting that every child would benefit from being given a car.  I am sure they think they would.  I have other children who won't be nearly as invested or interested in any kind of car.  Their interests and commitments are elsewhere.  As I thought about all of the reasons not to get him a car and the reasons we wanted to get him a car...well, frankly, I realized that the pros outweighed the cons.  And the truth is...

I wish that we had done it sooner.

So, to all who read my longwinded Facebook posts about the importance of teaching your kids responsibility and asking why in the world so many of our parents in this area are buying their kids cars...I stand on that...in concept.  I have learned; however, that I am not parenting anyone else's kids.  I stand on teaching responsibility.  I stand on the fact that some of these kids should absolutely not have cars given to them, or phones or computers or expensive clothes.  Truth is...it's none of my business.  Shame on me for having any kind of judgement about how others choose to parent.  

So there it is...biggest lesson...don't let your big mouth get away from you on social media.  Otherwise you might be spending some time getting that egg off your face.