Can't sleep!

I am having trouble falling asleep.  Everyone else is sleeping in my little nook of the world, except me.  I have always had trouble falling asleep, but I have taken the requisite Tylenol PM, needed to kick a headache as well, and still nothin'.  Well, the headache is gone.  I guess that's something.

I am stewing over some things tonight.  I am avoiding this impending holiday, and for no real reason.  I have not yet felt the sweetness that was there last year.  My baby sister is in the middle of a divorce and that has been...well among other things, a reminder of times I have since filed away.   I say filed because I never really let it all go.  I don't think that I can afford the therapy sessions required to truly put it all in its place.  I'm ok with it being there, reminding me to be grateful for my present full life.  I am happy to have the companionship of that memory when I am feeling particularly overwhelmed and I can honestly say to myself, "it could be worse".  The thing is that now I am watching my sister go through it.  While some days are good and some are bad, the ending of a marriage is always heartbreaking, for all parties involved, even us somewhat innocent bystanders.  I am praying for relief for that little family in the coming weeks as they sort our their lives, and separate the lines that have kept them together for nearly 7 years.  Even under the best of circumstances, that dissection is painful.

In other news, Christmas is surely coming whether I am ready or not.  I am ready, for the most part, and I have baked and made candies and decorated and such, but I can't say that I am there yet.  Why is that?  I have no idea.  What I do know is that Brittany is coming with her family, a treat worth every holiday and then some and Michael and his family will get to be here as well, a rocking good time with getting so many of the little ones together.  I am looking forward to the pajama shot on the stairs of my home, where we line them all up, in as smooth a way as possible, and then shoot as many cameras as possible at them hoping to get one good picture.  I am afraid that the children are feeling sort of separate from Christmas as well.  Magic is missing at the moment.  Even the Elves have been quiet.  Gingie has been downright LAZY.

So, tomorrow I wake and hope to bring the magic to life for these four babies and all of the incoming little ones.  I am so happy for all of the families that get there children home for the Holidays and truly can't wait to have so many of them here, under one roof...yep, mine...for what I pray will be a sweet, memorable, if not colorful Christmas season.

There will be pictures soon.  Promise!

I really want to sleep!!!!!!!!