Anxious

I am feeling some strange kind of anxiety tonight.  It's been a fabulous, beautiful day and so much was accomplished, and now I am anxious.  So much so the sound of the television and the nonsense that I was flipping through in some sort of attempt to induce sleep was irritating me.

I feel a little like this:

That's me up there...at the top, trying to muster the courage to leap over that edge.  I guess that sounds a little morbid, but that's not what I mean.  Sometimes I feel myself flirting with my own Potential.  You know, in my family, we are all blessed with a similar sort of curse...we can be really good at lots of things, but not GREAT at any one thing.  That makes it kind of hard to pick one thing to focus on...I have so many things in my head that, generally speaking, I tend to ignore it.  Go to bed, wake up, tend the children/ the house/ the bills/ the animals/ the callings/ the school...go to bed, wake up...you get the picture.  But every now and then, that edge creeps back into view and I feel the urge to reconnect with my Potential.  It wouldn't really matter what it was...school, I really want to get that education.  Singing, evidently I am better at it than I give myself credit for.  Parenting, that's a big one.  I feel like I need to improve on that every day, every hour sometimes.  Business, oh the endless possibilities.  Gardening even.  Yes, I actually WANT to be great at gardening.  I am not, but I want to be.

So, why all of this energy swirling around tonight?  Don't know.  It's there though and I felt compelled to at least recognize it.  You know you feel this from time to time, too right?  I know you do.  I know you think about what you could be, or what you should be great at...what you would do with yourself if you could just get the time, or the energy, or the money...or whatever stands between you and that Potential of yours.  My problem, by and large, is discipline.  I read this quote recently:

"One half of life is luck; the other half is discipline - and that's the important half, for without discipline you wouldn't know what to do with luck." ~Carl Zuckmeyer, 1896-1977, Writer and Playwright

I feel...well, I don't know what it is, maybe it's that Larry is home in 6 weeks and I feel compelled to accomplish SOMETHING before he gets back.  Maybe it's that I am feeling strangled by the battle with weight and health, and the reality that I am losing that battle daily.  I see changes happening all around me and think, how have I changed in the last year?  Six months?  Week?  Better or worse?  Am I improving, digressing or staying the same?  Yes, I get it...sometimes you have to just hang on for dear life until the storm rolls back out and you can see a little more clearly.  I have been hanging on through the last few months with these Olympics and all.  I feel like it might be time to do a little more than just hang on.  My Potential is bored.