What a day!

So...what do you get when you mix Easter eggs, 3 hours of church, dresses and ties and 13 kids?  (well, 12 at this point and 14 by the end of the day)  You get silly, sweet, wonderful chaos.  

And here we see the little monkeys getting silly!

And here we see them welcoming my Dad as he walked in the door.  You can see that they are all yelling"Papa!"

It is Easter Sunday and I admit that I have been a funny, sort of bipolar combination of giddy and misty all day.  I have been thinking of my role in this big family as well as my testimony and the lessons taught today combined with some of my own readings and interesting conversations I have been a part of have made me a bit more reflective than normal.  I have always been a member of two things: my family and the Church.  The two have gone hand in hand.  For parts of my life I have wandered from both.  I live now in a place where I can be a part of this amazing family and I am so blessed.  There is chaos and occasional drama, but we are a pretty great group.   Some of us have strayed from the Church for brief moments and others have wandered off and stayed there.  In the last week or so it was brought to my attention that some have questioned my faith...not at all something that I expected.  At first, I was a bit offended by what I heard.  I was mostly just sad though.  There seems to be a thought that I might just go to church to be with my friends or to make sure that I have Mom's approval.  I love my friends dearly and I am so blessed to be in this amazing ward that I do so love and I love my Mom, but it would be momentarily easier to just stay in bed.  I have often thought that I wished that I did not know about the Church...or that I could say that I didn't believe.  But that would be a lie.  For many reasons I want to share for a moment what I know is true, lessons I have learned in some very dark hours.  

I know that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the restored Gospel on the earth today.  I know it.  I know that my Savior did in fact die for me.  I know, as crazy as it sounds, that a young boy with a big heart and crazy ideas was just the young man for the eternal role of finding those sacred records.  I go to church because I enjoy it.  In speaking with a friend today, I shared with her that going to church is sometimes like getting to the gym...once you get yourself there, it's where you should be and where you want to be.  I am sad that anyone in my life would have room to question that of me.  In my home you will find a bottle of wine from time to time, clients of Larry's tend to think it's impressive and I would be lying if I said that I hadn't ventured to try a glass only to remember that I really dislike it, you will find Coke products, you will find laziness and gluttony or any combination of the two, you are likely to find us missing prayers and family home evening and scripture study most of the time...but you cannot ever think for one second that it is a reflection of the truthfulness of the Gospel or my faith in it...it is simply a reflection of my own weakness.  

This is a long entry tonight because this has really been on my mind a lot lately.

Someone I greatly respect once shared with me that she worried that those around her might question her example as someone who professes to believe in Christ.  She is one of the least likely of women to ever have to worry what others might think of her testimony as it is palpable, but she was.  She shared with me that her commitment for the new year was to make sure that her actions matched her faith.  I didn't quite understand her concern at that point, but I am beginning to.  I am weak and I am stubborn and can really run my mouth about things when I shouldn't...but I am genuine when I share that I am honored to be a member of this church and to have the knowledge that I have been blessed with, as unworthy as I may be.  To my family, forgive my many unimpressive moments of weakness but always know that I believe in my whole heart.  My whole heart.  It makes more sense to me than anything I know.  I have studied and searched and prayed and listened and ignored and stumbled and gotten back up many times, most times not of my own volition...in every one of those moments the Gospel has been and will always be truth.  I believe that there are many truths on the earth today that each and every one of us has the right to choose from.  I choose this one.

Sorry for the dissertation...needed to be said though.  Happy Easter!