It pours. That seems to be a trend in my world. We had a fabulous thunderstorm overnight that woke up most of my household keeping little eyes open when they should most certainly have been comfortably closed. I could hear the sounds of "Spongebob Squarepants" coming from the brightly lit family room and that could only mean one thing...they had been scared awake and needed a pleasant distraction. It is now 10 in the morning and those same critters are still asleep. In fairness, the thunder sounded as if it might just knock on the front door any minute. It wasn't that wimpy, low growling thunder. It was Jurassic Park thunder. The lightning was pretty magnificent as well. I think it's safe to say that we were not the only home stirring as a result.
In recent weeks I have learned of the closing of a dance studio that my girls have come to love, specifically Kyra. I have had mixed emotions as a result of all of it but one that keeps coming back is kind of a haunting reminder of closing a business of my own. It seems like a lifetime ago but I remember well the ache that came from facing the reality that my little engine that could...could not. While there was great financial loss the thing that stays with me is the personal loss. I had young people counting on me. In a time when my world was crumbling for many reasons, I decided to embark on an adventure. (silly me) I opened a talent agency. I love actors, well kind of a love-hate relationship actually. I will explain that in a minute. I worked with and represented some very dedicated, talented and passionate people. I was in way over my head. I didn't know enough about the business of acting. I have learned a great deal as a result of that risk. My greatest regret is that there were so many young people let down because of my decision to close the agency. I had very little choice in the matter for a number of reasons, not the least of which was failed commitments from others in the industry that I trusted. I learned a great deal about trusting the wrong people then. Not a lesson I would like to repeat. Business was slow and auditions were sparse. Actors were restless. Casting directors were seeking jobs outside of Utah because it was so quiet. We were all suffering from a post 9/11 halt in the entertainment industry. Live entertainment suffered as well. Larry was fortunate to be working on the SLC Olympics at the time, otherwise he would have been out of work as well. I knew the black and white reasons were valid. I knew that I was making the right decision. I also knew that it would cost me friendships...and it did. Life has gone on and other agencies have opened up. My actors have all moved on and some are actually making it happen. I am proud of them. I don't look back and wish that I had stayed or fought any harder to keep it open. I know that was simply not enough. However, when I look at these young girls who are sad at the loss of their studio, I can't help but see those faces from so long ago.
Why the love-hate thing with actors? WELL...I love actors because I love the process. I love everything about acting as a craft. I love the study, the exercise, the life lessons, the investigations into lives that could have been, and possibly were. The only caveat to that is that I love good actors. Now that is a broad statement as good comes in various forms and is not usually marked by success in the industry of acting. The actors that I am not as fond of are the ones who don't get it. The actors who decide one day that they want to be famous. (don't even get me started) The actors who have little substance but lots of flash...those are often the ones who get the work. The actors who are so self-obsessed that it is hard to work as a team. (only as strong as your weakest link, right?!) The actors who are whiny! Oh, I can't stand whining. I have been an actor most of my life...I say that loosely as I have not worked in a long time. I believe that once you are an actor you are always an actor. You see things differently. Problem is that in order to work with the good, genuine, dedicated actors...you have to deal with the rest of them. (and there's a lot of them)
A rant. That's what happens when I get started about actors.
So to the young girls who face moving on and finding a new studio I say "go get 'em!" You have a lot to offer and the closing of this studio had nothing to do with you or your talent. To the owner of the studio I say, "you did the right thing in closing it". You have loved these girls and given them a great deal. You have built them up and shown them that they are and always will be good enough! Some of them have found strength they didn't know they had. Now you have to go out there and rebuild for yourself. It takes time and it hurts for a long time but it gets better. One day, years down the road, you will see your dancers and be proud of them for carrying on and doing what they love even if you could not be there for that journey.
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