We're back!

We got back yesterday from a great week away with Larry's family.  We went to San Antonio to see his father and his relatively new wife Teresa, who we love.  Larry's sister Debbie

I should have known better

So.  I am sad to share that there will be no more babies for me.  I knew that this would be the case once I even whispered any mention of another baby, but I did not realize how sad I would be about it.  I am more than thrilled with the four I have, but I did start to dream a little about number five, a boy named Quinn.  Perhaps he is meant for one of you and I will get to simply play with your babies when they come.  I am wistfully sad about letting this go, but I am not facing much of a choice it would seem.  It's a strange thing to know that you can have a baby, and even to want one, but no longer have the option.  I thought age would be that determining factor.  Guess not.

A conversation with Kierstin

"Um, Mom.  I think something may be wrong with my arms."

"See this.  I really don't know how it got here, but it may be serious."

 

"It just happened all at once, like out of nowhere came this thing from the sky I think and then there were all these marks on me...See?  Look!!!"

 

     

"Ok, seriously, I think this may be contagious.  You might want to have this looked at."

"Is it bathtime yet?"

It has happened.

The thing I have thought would not happen has officially happened.  I have not even talked to Larry about it yet, mostly because I know what he will say.  A big fat no!  But here we go:

I want another baby.  

This new baby's name is Quinn.  I know it doesn't work with the K thing, but it sounds similar.  And it means, Fifth.  It is Irish and means intelligent as well.  It is good for a boy or a girl.  I can't explain what has come over me and I doubt that I will get this wish any time soon, but there it is.  A little baby hunger has descended in this house.  I may have officially lost my mind.

Perspective

So, we have had a fun couple of days. I mean not as fun as Amber's ripped up kitchen, which I think you should be taking pictures of by the way. Share the whole process with us. :)

We went to a fun little water park today. I think Kimball was a little resistant and Kierstin was terrified at first, and then I couldn't get anyone to leave. I happened to get the chance to hang out with one of my favorite people in the world today and it was so needed. She just showed up and we spent the afternoon chatting. I can't tell you how much I think of her. She is a beautiful, thoughtful, absolutely hysterical woman. I can't help but laugh when I am with her. So thank you ma'am, for making my day.

I had mentioned before that I was considering going into a little bit of business. I think that I have decided that might be a bad decision for me. There are many reasons, but the primary one is that I truly know that I need to finish school and I just keep finding every which way to avoid it. I need to get finished so that I can move on to a Masters degree sooner than later. It is something that I have always known I would do and I simply need to get a grip on myself and my choices and make it happen. That is my new perspective. I want to make the choices that I know I would choose if they were to be the last choices I ever got to make. I need to follow that path a little more faithfully.

I am off to sleep now and what a deserved rest it will be. Have a wonderful night!

You have to see this!

So, I know that I have spoken of Kierstin and her friend Brady a few times and I just had to share these. I can't tell you how cute they are together. When Brady sees her he just lights up and drops what he is doing to greet her, always with a hug. They are so darn cute! Just wanted to share. (That is Gigi that she is walking. She walks her whenever she gets the chance. It is too funny.)

Fun times!

It's summer. It has been so nice to sit back without a schedule for the last two days, but I can tell already that I will have to be a little more proactive with my summer entertaining for the children. They got a little buggy today. In fact, lots of children that found their way to our house got a little buggy today. I don't think they know what to do with themselves just yet.

So, I had a couple of funny things to share that made me laugh. One was about Kimball. Two nights ago he came down at around 10:45 and said that he was ready to go to bed and could I come up and talk to him for a few minutes. (which translates loosely to "can you tuck me in?") I ask where Kaden is and he tell me that he had fallen asleep in the playroom and that...get this...Kimball had taken him to his bed. I just thought that was about the sweetest thing ever. The image of Kimball getting Kaden to his bed is rather sweet. And second, another about Kimball...he lost a tooth last night. Now, at first I was nervous as I didn't realize that they had more teeth to lose. But, in fact, they have 12 more to lose. 12! This was the first of his last baby teeth to come out before all of his adult teeth come in. I thought that was something of a moment. Big boy!

Ok, and now Kierstin and Kyra. They have become quite the pair lately. They play together. Kyra has Kierstin repeating everything she says. She is teaching her to spell. Well, repeat the letters she says anyway. Kierstin also has this silly habit now of wanting popsicles all the time. She knows where they are and has figured out how to get them herself. The first time she did it I thought it was funny. I think I even blogged about it. But now, it is getting ridiculous. It is the first thing she goes for in the morning. When I tell her no, we have a little fit. When I tell he yes, or when Kyle gets one for her, she does a little dance. Here are some pictures of Kyra sharing her ice cream with an actually really grouchy Kierstin this week. Grouchy unless Kyra is sharing her ice cream with her.




Oh, and here is a new opinion question: Do you think that I should venture into a new fun and creative business or focus that extra attention on school? I can certainly do both, while that would mean I would have to be moderate in all areas for a bit as that would be a lot to take on. On the other hand, it would give me a chance to work for myself and with a good friend on our schedules while also building toward the future. I am not sure where to go at this hour but I will let you know how it goes. Any thoughts?

Still learning...day 3 I think

So, it is Wednesday, day 3 and I am having to own the fact that my "leaning into it" is a little more like blowing in the wind, swaying with the breeze kind of thing. I mean, still up and careful and learning and excited...but also a little less full steam ahead and more like tread water another day. Help is coming though. School is out tomorrow. Can I get a HOORAY!!! I mean, it means Full time Mom and Wife and Housecleaner (by myself, by the way as Larry has decided that we should take the summer off with the whole paid housecleaning thing)...wait, who am I kidding...I never clean by myself, I have Larry. Anyway. Full time ALL. And, it is hot here.

H O T!

Yuck. I can see why people move to more moderate climates like Phoenix or Vegas. Heehee.

So, school gets out and we are out of schedules for a bit. No baseball. No soccer. No school. Just cheer and piano and play. I am really happy about it though. Catch me on day 10 of summer vacation and we'll see if my sentiment is the same.

It's past my bedtime and I do have pictures to share tomorrow so I will check back in.

LAST DAY OF SCHOOL! HOORAY!

Oh, by the way, this means that Kimball is now in Middle School. That. I am so not ready for.

LEARNING day 1

So, I have been actively reading. I am nearly all the way through the book and that is an accomplishment in and of itself. I decided to start the cleanse part last night with just eliminating caffeine and sugar and bread. Big, right? Well, when I woke up this morning after lots of sleep, I felt ready to take on the whole thing. No sugar, caffeine, alcohol (easy), gluten (bread) and animal products. Now, obviously, the animal product was the last one on the list to add and, really, no big deal. Come to think of it, it has been a pretty easy day. I did not get a headache. HUGE. I drank lots of water and had my E7, thanks Kassi, and actually enjoyed "eating consciously". That is the point, well, one of the points. To be aware of where your food comes from and who is harmed, or not harmed, in the process. Admittedly, there is a bit of "higher thinking" involved that I have not yet understood, but I mean, I get it. I don't think I quite grasp the idea of the 'energy of the animal and the cruelty' and all being passed onto me as I eat a steak, or chicken or eggs...I think they are mistreated and it's a terrible industry...but I do think that in many cases the people who are picking the fruits and veggies that we eat are not treated well either and that makes me wonder if she thinks that their negative energy gets passed on as well...see what I mean. Some of it is over my head, but 85% of it is just perfect. Here are the 8 Pillars:

meditation visualization fun activities conscious eating exercise self-work spiritual practice service

Now meditation is not something I get just yet, though I see definite value in. Visualization is eluding me so far as well. But the rest of it I really get. And like she says, just lean into it. It doesn't have to be all at once, and it is less about weight loss than it is about whole wellness. It's one thing to be ok, it's quite another to be truly well. So, I ate well today. I had some fun. I am in a constant state of self-work and I have served. I spent some time on spiritual practice today as well. Exercise was not had today, and honestly, I was a little sad that I didn't get to it. For the first time in a long while, I actually wanted to. It's a funny thing really. But here I am and I am going to try to use momentum to keep this going and make some real changes. I keep saying that, I know. Let's just be optimistic and believe that it will happen and not be self defeating about it, shall we?

Summer

June 1, 2008

It’s half way through the year. Almost 35…in 75 days to be exact. I must admit that I am little down today. It’s a combination of things, really. I am struggling a little to get over myself, that is what it really comes down to. Well, to get over myself and get on with it. You know, that daily argument with yourself I keep talking about. It’s beginning to sound like the whining of a two year old at this point. The thing is that it isn’t about weight. Not really. It’s about being better at this me thing than I have been. I mean, I have some really great qualities and I am pretty good at many things, but where have I truly excelled? I am so very blessed in so many ways that I think I am feeling that I am being ungrateful in slothfulness. Does that make sense? I should be better because I am capable of being better. For instance, when it comes to parenting, there are many places that I want to improve. Here is an example: I have a long standing rule about kids and sleepovers on Saturday nights. There are several reasons, but primarily to keep the family close on Sundays, and hopefully that includes the children getting to church with me. Today that did not happen. This morning I got up and wanted to go to church without any arguing. I just wanted to go. I wanted them all to go but I just did not want one more fight. So, I went. With Kierstin. It was such a sad thing for me to have to make this choice, and selfishly I did. I did want the kids to go, but I just needed to have quiet too. A quiet ability to listen and learn and feel without having had a battle on the way. And you know what??? I loved it. I prayed all the way to church for guidance with my children and do you know what we talked about in Sunday School? Parenting. Faith of our fathers and children who do not follow as we would hope. And then in Relief Society we talked about being “One in the crowd”. It was wonderful and I could feel how tender my emotions were the entire time. I loved sitting with my sweet friends, who I am more grateful for than I can possibly share. I know that we all have our differences but the love between us is the same. There have been people in my life through many years that I could not always say truly loved me, or cared for me even…but I know every day that these women are genuine. Thank you to each of you who may or may not read this. Your examples and friendship mean so much. Moving on.

So, I am reading a new book. Oprah introduced the author on a show I watched last week. Her name is Kathy Freston and her book is called “Quantum Wellness”. It is so fascinating and I am enjoying it immensely. It makes so much sense to me. There are baby steps involved that lead to a total wellness that includes Mind, Body and Spirit. In fact, I am going to climb into bed now to read more on this process. If you get the chance to see her speak, you should take it as she is so engaging. I was enchanted with her and all that she does to work towards being the best version of herself, which is all I really want to achieve. I will let you know what I learn.
(Part of this process of getting better will have to include curing myself of this addiction to buy self help books, by the way)