Summer

June 1, 2008

It’s half way through the year. Almost 35…in 75 days to be exact. I must admit that I am little down today. It’s a combination of things, really. I am struggling a little to get over myself, that is what it really comes down to. Well, to get over myself and get on with it. You know, that daily argument with yourself I keep talking about. It’s beginning to sound like the whining of a two year old at this point. The thing is that it isn’t about weight. Not really. It’s about being better at this me thing than I have been. I mean, I have some really great qualities and I am pretty good at many things, but where have I truly excelled? I am so very blessed in so many ways that I think I am feeling that I am being ungrateful in slothfulness. Does that make sense? I should be better because I am capable of being better. For instance, when it comes to parenting, there are many places that I want to improve. Here is an example: I have a long standing rule about kids and sleepovers on Saturday nights. There are several reasons, but primarily to keep the family close on Sundays, and hopefully that includes the children getting to church with me. Today that did not happen. This morning I got up and wanted to go to church without any arguing. I just wanted to go. I wanted them all to go but I just did not want one more fight. So, I went. With Kierstin. It was such a sad thing for me to have to make this choice, and selfishly I did. I did want the kids to go, but I just needed to have quiet too. A quiet ability to listen and learn and feel without having had a battle on the way. And you know what??? I loved it. I prayed all the way to church for guidance with my children and do you know what we talked about in Sunday School? Parenting. Faith of our fathers and children who do not follow as we would hope. And then in Relief Society we talked about being “One in the crowd”. It was wonderful and I could feel how tender my emotions were the entire time. I loved sitting with my sweet friends, who I am more grateful for than I can possibly share. I know that we all have our differences but the love between us is the same. There have been people in my life through many years that I could not always say truly loved me, or cared for me even…but I know every day that these women are genuine. Thank you to each of you who may or may not read this. Your examples and friendship mean so much. Moving on.

So, I am reading a new book. Oprah introduced the author on a show I watched last week. Her name is Kathy Freston and her book is called “Quantum Wellness”. It is so fascinating and I am enjoying it immensely. It makes so much sense to me. There are baby steps involved that lead to a total wellness that includes Mind, Body and Spirit. In fact, I am going to climb into bed now to read more on this process. If you get the chance to see her speak, you should take it as she is so engaging. I was enchanted with her and all that she does to work towards being the best version of herself, which is all I really want to achieve. I will let you know what I learn.
(Part of this process of getting better will have to include curing myself of this addiction to buy self help books, by the way)