Why oh why???

Ok.  I feel as if I have some strange hangover, not because of anything I ate or drank, but rather, I believe, because of what I haven't taken in three days.  This always happens to me!  I ran out of the magic little 10mg of steadiness that keeps the edge off.  I can't explain this phenomenon, but I know the difference when I don't take lexapro.  I am not depressed, though I do miss Larry and have WAY too much in my head that I know needs to be worked on and completed.  I am actually really happy and so pleased with where things are.  I do wish that I could find some measure of self-discipline to conquer things like school, fall carnival, weight loss, cleaning, church stuff, and of course, Michelle's favorite subject, my long overdue recipe book.  Oh, and then there is the matter of four little lives that count on me to stay steady and focused and balanced, well they may have given up on balanced a long time ago.  Hmph!  I have woken up with an angry headache, the kind that starts behind my eyes and then just settles in any and every little crevice in my head.  The kind that screams for a coke, 2 excedrin, lexapro, sleep and something sticky and baked for breakfast.  It is not the kind that waits for me to send kids off to school with a smile, though I did try.  It is not the kind that is happy to see Kierstin wake up with the sun and choose to stay up and watch Toy Story with her babies, as cute as it is.  It is not the kind that wants to even pretend to be productive in order to conquer my little list of must do's.  It is a pain in the arse, quite frankly.  I am complaining, I know.  I know well how grateful I am and that the pioneers had so much more to suffer than I do, of course they did.  :)  I am just a little miffed that I am not just one of those people who can go without edge blurring medicine, and be healthy and conscious of eating and working out and discipline.  Darn discipline.  Oh, and proactive is its annoying cousin.  Don't have much of that either.  Can you hear the sour mood?  I think I shall take my mood and headache and go curl up in bed with Kierstin and a coke.  (I know, so much for the discipline)

Here's to all of you starting your day with a smile!  Happiness will return to my head soon and we will all, especially my spawn, be that much more pleased for it.  :)