Cut it...now what!

Ok, so I cut my hair.  Simple thing, right?  Well, yes, except that I haven't quite figured out if I like it or not.  I mean, it's cute and all and blonde...yes, but a little too cute so far for me.  You know that cute is not really a word that has ever really been used to describe me unless someone was trying to be mean.  

By the way, I spent most of my day today at the middle school with BIG kids.  I thought that the 5th graders were big, but my oh my, do they grow!  And their voices change.  And some of the boys had hair on their faces!  Oh wow, was I surprised.  It was a fun day, all in all.  I came home and slept for about 2 1/2 hours and then played in the dirt again until the sun would no longer keep me company.  I fear that I have become somewhat obsessed.  I do so enjoy playing with the flowers and keeping it all happy.  I think it is another one of those things keeping me from paying attention to things I should be doing like going to the gym, reading, school...oh and 4 kids.  Oops.  

We have ONE MORE GAME tomorrow.  And one more week, or partial week of school.  I can't wait to be released from that schedule for awhile.  It should be oh so interesting.

It's late again and I should be sleeping by now.  :0

A quick note in the midst of mind numbing busy work

Hi.  So, so much to do and so little time.  It's the end of school and there are parties and playdays and final work and books to finish, as well as baby showers and cleaning and parties of my own.  I do know a few people that still invite me to things.  :)  Larry is home as well, which makes for busy days.  Everyone is a little overhyped about getting out of school so the emotions around here are high.  In all of that, I did cut my hair.  It's shorter and blonde.  I now need to get to the tanning bed.  In fact, I should go now as they are open until 11.  Oh, and the gym.  As "follower" as it sounds, I am kind of digging Oprah's little 21 day cleanse idea.  Check it out, it sounds pretty cool.  I liked what the author says about gaining control over her food cravings.  I have allowed myself to let my cravings control my mood and my health.  A bad combination any way you cut it.  Let's just get out of school for now though.  :)

Ok, people...last chance

So, I am going in for a haircut this Friday and I want your opinion.  Long or short?  I now have two votes for short and Kimball's insistent vote for long...he says that short hair is not very hippie.  He seems to think he is a hippie but he has no idea.  :)

So, in other news, my garden is blooming and I am learning new tricks every day.  Above you can see the flagstone path that Larry and Kyle put down a few weeks ago.  So much better!!!  I am still working out the right planting here because of sun and shade stuff, but we are getting there.  Why I am so into gardening at this point is beyond me, perhaps it is simply to make sure that the money we have spent on these beautiful plants does not go to waste.

Triumph

It's a small but monumental thing for me.  Tomatoes!!!  I have tomatoes!!!  

Triumph

It's a small but monumental thing for me.  Tomatoes!!!  I have tomatoes!!!  I never plant things that really produce anything for long and here I have 5 beautiful, tasty red happy tomatoes.  Holy cow!!!!  This is a sweet moment indeed!  Is your smell-o-vision working?  The smell of home grown tomatoes is so much nicer than anything you can buy in the store.  I am so happy right now! 

More later.

The next day...

First of all, the title of my last post was an ode to a book being released that is called "Sleep is for the Weak".  I don't know enough about to really guide you but what I have read, I am intrigued and will likely be one of those who pre-orders the book just to get my hands on it as soon as possible.  See this: Mom-101: Sleep is For the Weak, Publishing is for the Strong.  By now, you may have noticed that I have spent a fair amount of time surfing through endless links to one fabulous blog after another.  It could be a symptom of a greater problem called Avoidance, which is what keeps me a little, well, stuck.  

Ok.  So.  The other thing is that yesterday was an emotional day.  Now, I have been festering these frustrated and anti-me feelings a bit more and more lately, which I readily admit is a bit toxic and counterproductive.  Something I have learned in my Avoidance is that there are so, so many other women out there fighting the same battles and enjoying the same victories every day.  I am certainly not an island.  And, I am certainly not really suffering, in the grand scheme of things.  I did wake up with a nicer disposition this morning.  I took the morning to really enjoy Kierstin.  I was moved by another mom's story of dancing with her children and I couldn't help but turn on the iPod and dance with this baby who turns two in mere hours.  But I will get to that in a moment.

Let me say that yes, last night would have been a good night for a drink.  I learned a little while ago that me and drinking simply do not mix.  I mean, perhaps we mix too well, I don't know.  But, sleep was a better prescription last night.  Am I down?  I have been, yes.  I have been hard on myself about too many things and forgetting to enjoy the abundance around me.  Yesterday I thought how selfish I had been by not tending to my home as well or as rigorously as I could.  I thought that because of all of the homes torn apart just in the last few months by one disaster after another.  I felt a surge of gratitude for the sanctity that is this home.  I have been progressively disenchanted with losing weight.  I mean, down right mad about it if you want to be honest.  I have felt that I have too much to do and I am too smart, all evidence to the contrary, to worry so much about what I look like.  I mean, seriously.  The truth is that there is a different motivation for being healthy and that is to continue to be able to dance with my babies in every room of this house.  It isn't as much about being a particular size, though a 6 would be nice...let's be real...a 10 would be a dream and  I would have to stop myself at an 8.  I can't get too carried away after all.  I am not sure what is stopping me.  I have the time and the resources.  I have an able body that is truly beginning to ache for the attention.  I just have to make one small change at a time, which is a little hard for me because I am sort of an all or nothing kind of girl.  

Today I felt a little apologetic to myself for being so disappointed in so many things.  I looked at myself in the mirror while I danced with this baby that was a miracle in the dark in the first place.  I looked at the hips that held her and felt grateful.  The arms that have the strength to pick her up for a hug or to scrape her off the floor from one tantrum or another.  The same arms that can hold my biggest little one when he aches.  I could probably still carry that boy if I had to.  This stomach that I am so hard on was home to these creatures, and as trite as that may sound, they were formed there.  I mean, I do see them every day so I don't really need the constant reminder, but there you have it either way.  My legs keep on going even when they are sore or lazy.  My goodness, I have so much to grateful for that my little diatribe last night seems...well, for whatever it seems it was real and I was upset.  I am and will continue to work on one thing or another for such is life.  I will; however, find joy in my moments.  My little faces and little voices and hearts that trust me to stay strong.  And in all of that, I am here to have joy and if I would just get out of the way and let that be my course, even if that takes a little therapy or a lot of blogging or a lot of praying...it is what I choose. 

Ta da!  My head has spun back around and my other personalities can come out to play now.  Cybil is back in her little padded room for a little while longer.  :)  I am not sad or depressed or even certifiable, yet.  I struggle just like you with the same things and the same worries and the same triumphs.  So, thank you for the support and the hope and the continued friendships.  

And. lest you think I am the only one a little loose these days, you must read this:

A Good Blog is Hard To Find: Treat and Retreat (were sitting in a boat?)

Particularly this part: I know some people look at a sunset or a mountain or some flowers and they go OH! THE BEAUTY OF THE ERF! OHOHOH! And their eyes get misty and they wander off refreshed. Me? I say, “Dude. It’s a tree with some blooms on it, and come Autumn that tree is going to poop it all off and I will have to RAKE. Bleh.”  Oh, how I appreciate that paragraph and her humor.

**************************************************************************

As a side note, Baby turns 2 tomorrow!  It was three years ago now that the experience that brought her here all began.  It is such a strange and still sad thing to think about, but when I see her I know why.  When I look at this family all back together, I know why.  She is just incredible.  We finally gave up the bottle two days ago so she isn't that thrilled with me, but know that she went to bed tonight with no tears, and still no bottle.  She didn't even ask for one.  TRIUMPH!  I wish that you could all know her.   I love being a little older and a lot more experienced as a mother to this one.  I don't remember being calm, ever, when the top three were little.  Maybe they don't either.  I want them to remember me at this time in our lives though...grateful for them.  I do fear that they may just remember me anxious and irritated but I am working on that as we speak.  So, on this anniversary of when my life changed in completely new ways, I celebrate. 

(oh too funny.  I just checked my email and there was a request from eHarmony to find true love.  Irony.)

Yes, sleep IS for the weak.

Can't sleep.  Tried.  Took a Tylenol PM, but only one as I have to be up with Kimball at 6am to study for a Civil War test.  I hope that we do well on that test.  It seems that I should be getting a grade too sometimes.  Perhaps I could get college credit for some of the work I do with the assignments the kids bring home.  Maybe then I could graduate.  :)

I have realized a little something about myself today.  I think that I may be a certifiable mess.  I am obsessed about losing weight, but not enough to do anything more than complain about it.  I am anxious about my kids, particularly the One who needs therapy now because of all of the things that have happened in his little life so far.  I can't seem to make myself, or rather, allow myself to just be.  This therapist we visited today suggested that I might benefit from mellowing out.  True.  That's all I could say.  True.  Followed by a resounding, "YOU HAVE NO IDEA!!!"  I find myself irritated that so many things irritate me lately.  Example:  PTA fundraisers for next year.  WHO CARES???  I was actually getting a little bothered today because of the number of fundraisers today and had to tell myself, again with the talking to myself, that it did not matter to me.  Because it simply doesn't.  I can choose to work on and volunteer for the things that I care about and I can make time for the pursuits that mean something to me and not worry about the rest of it.  I am working, actively and consciously working, on letting it go.  All the meaningless, unnecessary, none of my business, never gonna happen stuff.  Gone.  They all matter to someone else so why should I worry about it?  There you have it.  Moving on?  

I think that the truth is that I am just monumentally disappointed in myself.  It is no secret that I am great.  I mean, I am.  We all are.  I was born with it so I can't claim it as something that I did or do to be this person.  My parents did most of it.  They gave each of us enough faith in ourselves and ability and strength to believe that we could do anything and actually have the potential to pull it off.  And then, well, then...we tend to fall short of the mark.  Well, I know I do.  I have something to do in this life and it includes raising these amazing children and spending this life with them.  But part of that must be by example.  It must be in living a promising, as well as actually following through with that promise, kind of life.  Not just, "I want to." or "I will, someday"  I read a great quote today about how "Someday is the only thing that we will take to our grave."  (or something like that)  I am tired of someday.  I am tired of being hard on myself and apologizing for being late to things, for not being great at cleaning, for forgetting to get the oil changed or return that stupid thing to Target that I keep saying I will return and never do.  I don't want to be an apologizer.  I was in a lecture at BYU a long time ago when the speaker said that you should never say you are sorry.  Because that is labeling yourself as SORRY.  I make mistakes.  I forget things.  I have many things I could be better at and somethings that I could be great at.  I do believe that I am a great mother.  I have a lot to learn but I do know that much.  I can paint and write and cook and create.  I can play and run and use muscles enough to ache for three days later.  I can cry over earthquakes and cyclones and missing children.  I can miss my husband when he is away.  And I do.  I can sit in church with four children by myself and pray for a day when I won't be alone there anymore.  I can absolutely adore the women in my life, including my incredible sisters and mother and some truly enchanting women in my neighborhood and ward.  I can cheer at a baseball game and study for tests until all hours of the night.  I am really good at calling in a house cleaning service and being genuinely thrilled when they leave.  I can spend hours and hundreds of dollars in my yard and still stress over wilting leaves and untended areas.  (I have gotten carried away.)  I can read Dr. Suess and Ayn Rand and understand 90% of each.  I can actually color in the lines, unless a baby is pulling on my arm at the same time.  I can get really mad at stupid drivers and irritated by parents who don't hold little hands when crossing a busy street.  I can remember when Elizabeth Smart was found and crying in my office because they had actually found her alive.  

This is the longest list of things to be grateful for and still I wonder why I can't take better care of myself.  Why I can't focus and accomplish beyond my wildest dreams.  Why I feel that I must have some sort of excuse every time I don't quite make it to the finish line.  And let's just be honest, I don't know if I really even know what the finish line looks like.  I don't think I have ever been there.  If you are still reading this please know that while I am a little down on myself and sound a wee bit shy of crazy, I will be much better in the morning.  I will greet the new day with breakfast with the kids and some time spent in my flowers to try to actually finish that one thing.  It is looking so nice after all.  

I want to spend more time being grateful.  Happy.  Relaxed.  Mellow.  Playful.  Fit.  Intelligent.  

Thanks for following along in this little rant of the day.  

I will now accept donations for the therapy sessions sure to follow.

Umm...rude!

Ok, so I see that you are reading and no one is replying or giving me suggestions and frankly, it hurts my feelings.  (throwing myself on the floor in tears right now)

Letter to my body as inspired by BlogHer

In my own time sitting at my computer sifting through blogs one after the other, which is really time I should be doing laundry, I have discovered some pretty amazing blogs with some pretty amazing women.  In one of my searches I stumbled upon, or ran to rather,  A Letter to My Body | BlogHer, which is a part of the universe of BlogHer.  It is fascinating.  Part of me wonders how all of these women have time to write so much and so well.  I feel accomplished with a little post here and there.  So, in the spirit of the women who have all written these amazing letters, here goes:

Dear Heather's Body,

Hmm.  Well?  What to say today.  I feel as if we have been drifting apart for some time.  We have shared some unbelievable times and I think we can still make this work out if we work together.  Counseling?  Sure, that would help.  Working out, you say?  You know how I feel about that, but I guess we could try that as well.  NO SUGAR?!?!?  Oh come on, now.  That seems a little extreme.  Ok, we'll consider that one.  Maybe.

Look, I know that I have never been all that grateful, or helpful, or understanding.  I have pushed you to the edge many times and you have carried me back.  I don't think I was all that aware of you before I was forced to lie on my back for weeks on end after the Surgery.  You knew that we could do it, but wow was I mad at you for that one.  I still feel the reminders of that.  As I am getting "older" I am beginning to feel more of that than I would like actually.  When we suffered that mutilation that left us with a pretty rocking scar, I lost a lot of weight.  I was tired and could not get out of bed on my own.  I couldn't do much on my own, ask Mom.  Scoliosis got the best of us at that young age but we overcame.  You did most of that on your own.  

Entering college I became much more aware of you.  I wanted to be thin.  THIN!!!  I wanted you to know that and make it happen as you had made recovery happen.  I look back at that now and realize that I was thin.  I just didn't realize it.  I suppose my spine wasn't the only thing a little twisted back then.  Oh, who am I kidding, I am still a bit twisted when it comes to you.  

Then came the babies.  I can never really thank you for the enthusiastic welcome you gave each of my children.  I did not struggle to get pregnant, quite the opposite.  I did not find the courage to surrender to the pain though.  You made these creatures that now give me such joy and I never really thanked you.  Instead, I tortured you with one diet after another.  I don't think you could really call it yo yo dieting at this point as I think we have worn that yo yo out by now.  I have starved and cleansed and drugged and pushed and pulled and anything else that I thought would force you to be the Body I wanted.  I am sorry for that.  I have, without doubt, earned every pound and every stretch mark and every wrinkle and scar.  I can't say that there is much that I truly regret in my life, well, a few things come to mind, but I can say that I do wish that you and I were a bit closer.  I wish that we could work this out and get on the same page.  I know that it's not you, it's me.  I am the one who keeps pulling away and being demanding and whiny...high maintenance even.  I see what you mean about counseling.  Well, here we are at mere months away from 35, which is just a short stroll to 40.  I feel a real pressure to make this relationship work sooner than later.  I would not want to harbor negative feelings as we reach the prime of our lives.  

I want to take you on a cruise and to other countries.  I want to be strong.  I have it in my head, but I have not found a way to translate that to action.  In truth, I believe that my efforts are a bit counterproductive.  I wish that weren't so.  I can promise you that I am trying and I will work to a healthy balance.  I will run the tests to check for imbalances and learn a new way to eat and be strong.  I have never wanted to be someone else, or look like someone else.  I only want to be the best version of myself.  It's been sometime since I have seen her.  Let's make a promise to work on that together.

Yours always,

Heather

Dancing Queen

So this is what we are doing right this minute...Kimball doing homework to the Foo Fighters while Kierstin dances and dances.  Just too much fun here!!

Help with the decorating already!!!

Here I am in this wonderful home that I absolutely love and I am trying to finish up random projects, including dressing windows and walls.  There are the residual projects that include master bathroom renovations and polishing up some worn paint on the kitchen cabinets, but those are bigger projects than I am tackling at this point.  So, I have taken a few pictures in order to seek the advice of friends and neighbors. (Hey, that was the name of a movie that was made out of a play that I was once in a long time ago, just a bit of trivia.)

Here we go:

First and most obvious problem area in my house: the make shift baby playroom for Kierstin which is actually also a living room and music room but not really working well as any of them.  whew.  Got all of that?  I need storage, window treatments, dressing for the top of the bookshelf that I am no longer really a fan of and really I would like to replace everything but the piano, unless you wanted to send a baby grand piano my way and then I would really have to restructure the room.  Please tell me you have a solution, one that does not break the bank of Larry of course.  

Next:

So, this is my bedroom and I actually did make the bed, sort of, before I took this picture.  I didn't want you to think I was a slob.  :)  So, these windows are wonderful and they overlook our very sweet backyard.  But what to do????  I have these wood blinds up there now which are fine for privacy but really make no statement.  What would you do there???  Drapes all the way across?  Valances?  Sheers?  

Oh, no, no sheers.  

Ok, just a sidebar here, but Kierstin just walked in to my CLEAN office and spit out her chewed up pretzel all over the floor and is now screaming "more" at me.  Fool me twice, right?  Ah, parenthood!

Ahh, motherhood...and other stuff on my mind.

Ok, so first of all, I have been informed by several of my family members that I may benefit from some serious therapy.  Evidently, my blogging has sometimes resembled something of a manic depressive rant, which I totally get.  I am keenly aware of the ups and downs and I admit that this medium is something of therapy for me.  I like to "get it all out", so to speak and if there are readers among you who like to share in the journey, be my guest.  I also understand that there may be a few "blog stalkers" out there who have stumbled onto my little rant through friends and family.  Well, I say welcome and come and go as you please.  Feel free to say hi and share your thoughts every now and then.  

Moving on.

Today was a fun day as we had a great baseball game with Kaden, at which he was given the coveted Game Ball.  He was very proud.  In fact, it was his wish last night as I tucked him in that he might get it today.  We took the whole crew today.  Can you say fun?  I am not sure who was more whiny, Kimball or Kierstin.  In fairness, Kierstin was kind of off the charts when a friend came by...well, let me set the scene for you.  Baseball is a big deal out here.  Maybe it is everywhere, I don't know, but here it's a bring the family and the dog and hang out for awhile, get a drink and a sandwich at the concession stand and watch as many games as you can stand kind of thing.  I often leave Kimball and Kyra with friends while we have games because they don't like to go.  Kierstin is now very aware of the excitement of the place with the strollers filled with babies to chat with and dogs on leashes to torture and the never ending supply of m&m's at the concession stand.  I thought that I had gotten smart when I decided to bring the playpen to the game to try to keep her confined and entertained.  Well, last night it worked.  She was great.  (yes, we played a game last night as well.)  So today, she remembered that she wasn't keen on being trapped and yelled at me many times in the first thirty minutes to get her out.  What she hasn't realized yet is that she is big enough to just get her leg over it and topple out.  It won't be long.  So, she is yelling and we are playing a pretty good game and Tim, my neighbor who she loves, comes up and falls for it.  He takes her out of the playpen. 

HE TOOK HER OUT OF THE PLAYPEN!  

Cardinal rule with babies in playpens: you do not take them out unless you are going to chase them.  (pass it on)  SO, he took her out and she was free.  So I chased her around for thirty minutes.  Oh, and did I mention that Kimball and Kyra did not want to be there?  SO, we win the game, it's time to go and I have to wrap up the playpen and get to the car.  The darn thing won't close.  You know what I mean with these things.  They have a mind of their own and this one must have wanted to stay at the baseball park because I could not get it together and there I was in the middle of this place with adults looking at me with a combination of sympathy and laughter.  I wasn't so smart at that point.  I walked away from the darn thing.  (I should confess that I was swearing quietly at it by this point.)  I got to the team just in time to hear Kaden get the game ball and tell Larry that he had to get the baby bed.  He couldn't get it to fold either.  It is now in pieces in the back of the car.  By the time we got in the car I was a little frazzled and then ran off to have brunch with the sisters and Mom for Mother's day.  Speaking of which:

Happy Mother's Day to all!!!  If you don't hear it enough today you can come back and read that over and over again because you certainly do deserve it.  It is a brutal, albeit wonderful and sweet, job.  It is a strange thing to realize today but this year my children will be 2 (next Saturday), 7, 9 and 12.  It is hard to believe that for 12 years I have been responsible for another person's life and I haven't yet figured out how to take care of my own.  I really think it may be time to step up to the plate and figure out what I want to be when I grow up.  :)

Oh, here is a quote I love today:

It is impossible to soar like an eagle if you are surrounded by turkeys.  

You must know what that means and you know how funny that is.  I am going to get some sleep tonight and start it all again tomorrow.  It should be a nice day and, by the way, the kids are out of school in four weeks.  What in the world will I do with them then?  Ideas??????????????

Ok, it's your turn to weigh in on an important question.

So, a few days ago I received an email from a local professional theatre regarding some acting classes for adults being offered in the fall.  It is covering the Meisner technique for those of you who might be familiar with acting techniques.  So, I got really excited because they are offering the classes during the day and it is affordable.  I have been looking for a class to join for some time now, in vain.  I got excited and filled out an application to send in with my headshot, as dated as it may be, and resume.  And then.......

Well, here is the part where I start to think about the idea that perhaps that ship has just sailed.  I am a mom and a wife now and I absolutely love it.  I have not yet truly missed the acting life or pursuit of it, but I have thought that it would be in my adult life with older kids that I might pursue this again.  I think that once an actor always an actor, right?  So, here is the question...Do you take the class?  Do you add that to your already busy schedule?  I am not above being selfish, so to speak, and taking time away here and there for myself.  But, do you consider taking on another responsibility with four young children when you know the amount of time it takes?  Or, do you wait a few more years?  I know both sides of the argument.  I hear myself saying, "Of course you go for it.  It's what you do.  It's who you have always been."  And then I hear myself saying, "It is who I was at one time.  It is something that I will always cherish but should put away.  I should focus on school and music and kids and the house and my marriage and my flowers and PTA and baseball and piano and on and on and on."  I have truly not ached for this acting thing since leaving Salt Lake.  It was a sad loss having to close the business, necessary, but very hard to do.  I made a lot of mistakes then and I guess I just felt really burned out.  I can't mistake the excitement I felt when I read that email though about the class.  Is it something that just never goes away?  

I am okay with waiting and that is likely my own insecurities getting the better of me thinking that maybe I was not as good at it as I thought I once was.  Maybe I will just be a foolish mom trying to recapture her youth...since I am about to turn 35 by the way.  I am great with that age, don't get me wrong.  I just thought that I would have stopped having the same arguments with myself as in my twenties by now.  I am not the only one.  You know, the argument about getting healthy and working out and taking time for myself and finishing any number of things on a list that has been years in the making.  That's where I am.  Trying to decide which things on that list really should be completed and which should be retired.  I am really looking forward to your feedback.

She is almost 2!!!

Ok, so I have been a little busy.  As I said, Larry is home and he has been in project mode for the past two weeks.  We have cleaned and purged and organized the following things in the past two weeks alone: garage, playroom, attic, all closets and the office.  The pantry has been cleaned and organized as well.  The gardening has been in full swing including a new flagstone patio and lots of plantings.  That just happened yesterday, in fact.  I will have to take some pictures tomorrow to share with you our handiwork.  We have also started painting the master bath, well enough for Larry to decide that it is worth it to him to pay someone else to finish it.  :)

In all of the excitement we have caught ourselves laughing and laughing at Kierstin.  I mean, she has had big projects this week as well.  She learned how to open the front door, walk out of it and close it behind her.  She has gotten out of her crib at naptime and walked down the stairs to find Larry in the backyard.  That scared him pretty bad.  He thought that someone had come in and let her out I guess.  She is largely avoiding naps anymore and still clings to this darned bottle as if her life depended on it.  But, she is coming up on 2 years old.  It is incredibly hard to believe that so much fun and real joy has come out of such a hard time in our lives.  She is a miracle.  I mean, she is still a 2 year old with all of the fun that comes with that age, but it is so fun to swing with her in the hammock, or crawl in bed with her and watch cartoons.                                                                                       She is so funny about Kyle, my brother.  She doesn't want him to leave.  She hugs Kyra when she is sad or hurt. 

   

She plays with her like a big girl now.  She is just fun.  Here are a few shots of her that I found funny tonight.  She seems to know how she likes to pose. 

And, by the way, I do still adore my other children.  In fact there are lots of stories about them as well.  I will have to catch you up on them.  As for me, I think I may be ready (again) to be committed to being healthy and staying physical.  I mean Lindsey had a dream that I actually achieved my Sheryl Crow rock hard body so I guess I'd better get to it.  I am going to the gym in the morning to train with Casey, an amazing trainer, whether I want to or not.  I had better get to sleep then.  Wish me luck!!!  And Cammie, don't think I won't come drag you to the gym.  I mean, I have to get myself there first, but once I get that much energy you better believe that I can come get you too!  And Allison!  Wait, she wants to go.  She needs to make me go.  Hmm.  Well, either way, I am going in the morning.  Let's make happy wishes that Heather can set a goal and keep it.  Lots of happy wishes!!!